Self

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." Aristotle
Taking time to understand and appreciate oneself is an act of brillance that we should always afford ourselves if growth is the desired outcome.

TGIF

I am just getting a moment since my day started considering the day started around 12:45am for me. I decided yesterday that I would stop and get some Trini food let us just say the doubles didn't like me because boy did it work me. My stomach cried all night and I've been drinking green tea and water all day. I am so happy it's Friday this was a short but eventful week and I am thankful it is coming to an end. Next week will be greater.

It Pours

The saying when it rains it pours manifested itself over the past 5 days. A virus infected my computer, the router got infected (didn't know that was possible) so there was no wireless connection and the weather compromised the source internet connection...lawd have mercy is all I could say. Initially it began looking bad but I spent time laying in bed reading and on the phone with friends and I enjoyed the days without connectivity. These few days reminded me about a mission trip I did to Africa 4 years ago. While on the trip I had to go about 5 days without internet please don't think that there is no internet in Africa because that is so far from the truth it just meant the area where we were doing our outreach did not have internet access. Looking back on that time and the last few days I realized something I use the time to connect with nature, read and do some self evaluation. Alone time without all the distractions from technology can do so much good for the soul. In the beginning I rarely think that because I am so upset that I am not able to connect with the world and complete the tasks at hand but once you step back and analyze the situation you begin to appreciate the good in the situation and your outlook changes and you start smiling and growing because time spent on introspection usually leads to personal growth. It's all good.

Back in de day...

I want some of my food; roti with bodie and pumpkin and a real cold coconut water. As I think back to my childhood days I can't help but remember the fish broth on Friday night, the chicken foot split peas soup with oxtail, cow heel, and pigtail ( my mom would take out the pig tail from the pot before my brothers saw it because they don't eat pig). I never understood how they couldn't taste the pigtail in the soup salted pig tail leaves such a blatant taste as well as scent. I miss my food so much I try to recreate them as best as I can but it never quite tastes the same as I remembered it. Today is Friday and I would give anything to stop by the pholourie man and get some pholourie, sahena and ah alloo pie on my way home. I almost forget a doubles with cucumber, tamarind sauce, kuchela and plenty pepper. Once I get home a nice bowl of fish broth made with the famous red fish and some guiness with condensed milk later in the evening. That's what I need today, the comfort food I grew up on more than 20 years ago.

Questions

Is it the waiting or the uncertainty of whether things will work out the way you hoped that they will that keeps you in a state of unrest. I believe, I hope but I also question and I doubt. There are times of conflict and times of rest then there are those days when all you want is a straight answer. The answer is whatever I say it is for me.

Overslept

How many times have you heard the alarm and needed to take just a few minutes more? Today I did that and came out of bed 1.5 hrs later and missed my morning run. It happens... at least the sun will be out when I am running today when I get off work.

Consistent Growth

"Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still." Chinese Proverb
One of my weaknesses is the lack of patience actually I would even go as far to say my main weakness is impatience with self. I know it is said "we are our worst critic" or "we hold ourselves to an impossible standard" but I have hidden beneath the phrase you need to always expect more from yourself.

Running has been at the center of my communication recently because at the moment I am training for a half marathon on March 18. Well today while driving to work after my run I found myself getting upset because my pace had not increased as much as I would have like it to. I got mad I am talking really pissed when I thought about my time this morning and I started to identify all my deficiencies, my stride is not long enough, I am too heavy to obtain my desired pace, I don't push myself as much as I need to, then I stopped in mid thought. You see one of the things I promised myself is I will learn to celebrate my wins no matter how small they are. Then I literally changed the tone of the conversation with self, "I get up at 3:45am every day to run, I run despite the temperature (considering the fact that I am 100% island girl we love sun and its been below 20 degrees at times here), I have shaved more than 30 seconds off a mile in less than 2 weeks, and my weight is dropping. After I said that to myself I started smiling because no matter how small my accomplishments may seem I am making strides daily and that is what it is about. So many times I have lost sight of the things that matter because of my impatience but today I grew a little so I am really happy. I am a work in progress and I have seen consistent growth over the past year, that's what it is about. Rock your life it is the only one you have....

New Route

“The creative act is not hanging on, but yielding to a new creative movement. Awe is what moves us forward.” ― Joseph Campbell
This morning as I met my running partner for our daily run I decided to make a suggestion that left me begging for mercy 40 minutes later as well as helped me appreciate Campbell's quote listed above. As we took off I thought a new route would be a great idea so I suggested it and he obliged without any hesitation. Five minutes into the run I realized we were running into the wind and it was beating us up some but both of us believed we needed this. Well apart from running into the wind the terrain was different. Normally there is one hill close to the end but this time we had hills and I was struggling and refused to say anything; I know I was not going to be the one commenting on how much my legs felt as though they would give out. We have been running the same route over a week ago and our bodies had gotten comfortable, muscle memory had stepped in quite frankly we were in a nice place but today that changed. This morning I felt as though it was my first time running in weeks truth be told while you are running its rough but the minute it ends the euphoria one experiences makes it all worth it. I think what Campbell is saying is, you have to let go of where you are and allow yourself to experience the new thing so that you can grow and develop into a stronger individual. That new experience at times can be painful so one has to decide that no matter what one comes up against working through it is necessary to move forward and grow. Today in yielding to the new route I was able to experience that awe and ultimately move forward in my running. When I think about it, life definitely rocks for me. Until we chat again.

Your Life

Making your life count is a journey not just another task to complete. When we learn to enjoy the journey and welcome the encounters good, bad or indifferent then are we able to make our lives truly count. I believe we all make the right decisions for self regardless of the outcome and as we recognize that we are able to move from just surviving to living a life that matters and more importantly living our own life. Live your life on your terms it is the best way rememeber life definitely rocks when you do....

Yield

Yielding to the needs of our bodies is so necessary. It regenerates and revitalizes us in our daily journey. When you listen to your body and respond in kind growth is automatic. As I sit here this morning I am thinking to myself I feel so refreshed and energized all because I slept last night. Lately I have not been sleeping just taking naps; my brain has been on overdrive with all that I am doing but last night I slept and boy do I feel Grrrrrreat. Actually I am feeling like the tiger from the Frosted Flakes commercial...."Grrrrrrrrrrrreat!!!!!" Life is so much fun when we enjoy it. Until we chat again.

I Like to Run

There comes a time when we need to run; forget everything and just run. Well this morning I did exactly that. I got up at 3:30am and after going back and forth on why I needed to stay in I put on my gear and headed over to my running partner's house. Sometimes we need to put reason aside and do that thing that brings us joy. Running has always been my haven, in the past nothing could stop me from running not snow, not rain, not sleet, not even a 140 degree temperature I ran. Sometimes we need to rekindle our passion, this morning I felt it enveloping me as the wind was blowing in my face and the sweat was forming crystals because of the below 20 degree temperature....gosh it was heavenly, I loved it. Pat is finally regaining her strength and I am enjoying every bit of this process.

Today I know it is okay run...

That which brings me joy...

“Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.” ― Joseph Campbell


The past few days have been wonderful. On Friday I took myself out for lunch, had a peice of lemon seasoned salmon with sweet potato fries and a margarita; read an entire book then got up and went home, what beautiful day. This year I have decided to read more. I spent the first day of the year curled up on my sofa reading and watching TV it was such a joy. I have decided that no matter what happens I will do that which brings me joy.